...well, we both did. Dillen had a great day at school today. We arrived early to allow her some time to play on the play ground with Roxy and her friends. When the line-up bell rang, we all walked to the 16 painted on the black top representing her classroom number. It was at this moment that the excited, "I won't miss you mom," so ready for Kindergarten daughter of mine almost lost it. I will admit, it was chaotic. The noise alone from all of the children and their parents was overwhelming. The confusion and anxiousness started to take over and Dillen clung to me. She looked up and said, "Mom... I'm a little scared." My heart dropped and so did I to my knees. I gave her a HUGE hug and said it was normal to be a little nervous or scared since it was the first day and she didn't know what to expect. But I told her to trust me that all would be fine once she made it into the classroom and that she would have a ton of fun that day. She held my hand tight as the teacher led the line of children to her classroom. The first direction given to them that day was to put their back packs on the rack outside and then to say goodbye to their parents and go sit down on the floor in the classroom. Dillen hesitated but then let go of my hand and put her back pack on the rack. She gave me one last worried look and walked into the classroom where she quickly took a seat on the floor. She never looked back.

School starts at 8:35AM.

School ends at 2:43PM.

That is a long day...

And since Dillen never went to pre-school, these hours away from her were very difficult for me. I am used to having her with me during the day - to be her main influence, nurturer and teacher. I feel like that role has been yanked out from underneath me. Don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of going to school and remember my elementary school years fondly. But, as her mom, I missed her terribly today. Roxy survived but I think felt the loss as well.

A friend of mine whose daughter also started Kindergarten today called me about 1/2 way through the day and asked, "How are you doing?" I sighed and said, "I wish I knew how she was doing... I miss her." And she quickly said, "She's fine! She's doing great. I just spied on Gabrielle and saw Dillen skipping and holding hands with a new friend on the play ground." I had to laugh at my friend for doing what we all wanted to do. And then I smiled at the vision of Dillen having so much fun. It did ease some of the worry and loss I was feeling.

When we went to pick her up, she was grinning from ear to ear. She was walking confidently and with a spring in her step. Her pony tails were swinging. When she spotted us, her face lit up. She wanted to run over but managed to hold her excitement and stayed in line with her teacher until she reached the same painted #16 on the black top. Once there, she came running over for one of the biggest hugs we've exchanged in a long time. I can't tell you the rush of emotions I felt in that hug.

It's interesting. Now that the first day is over, is that supposed to make the second any more easy? Am I supposed to miss her less tomorrow? Am I supposed to worry less? Should her walking away in the teacher's line bring less anxiety?

Only time will tell...

Getting her back...