There is so much to catch up on... but first a BIG congratulations has to go out to my niece and nephew who both just received their black belts in Karate! Liz is 15 and Sam is 12. Very impressive.

Ok. So where to begin...

Dillen had her recital last weekend on June 30th. She was absolutely giddy to get on stage and perform her "Happy Birthday Princess" dance. We arrived early so she could see the stage and where the audience would be sitting and to allow her plenty of time to get into costume and hang out with her friends back stage. Only the mom-volunteers were allowed to stay backstage so I was promptly 'escorted' out to the theatre when the time came. I met up with Sean, Roxy and both Grandma Barbara and Grandma Jane in the theatre and noticed that Dillen's dance was 14th in the program. Though the dances were fun to watch, all I could think about was how Dillen was doing backstage - if she was excited, nervous, etc. Part of me wished so badly I was back there with her and the other part was so excited to watch her from the audience. When the curtain opened, there she was - with her class of 11 other adorable purple princesses ready to dance. She was obviously in her element. She was beaming from ear to ear and 'ready to go.' The music started and she hit every choreographed movement with gusto - relishing in the applause from the audience. Then it happened. She started dancing to her own beat and her face became panicked. I recognized it right away - she had to pee. And before I could rescue her...

... she became "that kid."

Poor thing couldn't hold it as hard as she tried. She wriggled, she held her knees together, she grimaced and just kept on dancing. Then the trickle started. That's when I dropped everything, ran as fast as my legs could take me and whisked her off the stage kissing every part of her face I could connect my lips to. She was sad and mortified and I felt her pain as though it were my own. I felt for her deeply. I wanted to take the moment away. I wanted to snuggle her in a quiet, dark room for hours just rocking her and telling her all would be alright. But the chaos around us backstage allowed for none of that. Instead, we retreated to the room from which she originally came and I sat her in my lap (wet and all) and held her tight telling her she did FANTASTIC and that I was so proud of her. I told her it was absolutely no big deal that she peed. I even gave her a really great story about when I was her age and peed on stage, too. With that she brightened up and wanted to hear all about it. So, I embellished, I created and I overly acted the best story about me as a kid peeing on stage as best as I could. It was as though a weight lifted from her tiny little shoulders. She was actually smiling. We got her changed and decided to leave the recital early to go celebrate over some Cold Stone Ice Cream with her family - yum. ;0) Surprisingly, when I asked her a few days later what her favorite part of that day was she answered, "Performing on stage." I think she must have the bug - wet or not.

Yesterday was Sean's birthday - yes, the entire nation celebrates with us. ;0) We did more then I thought was possible: Sean went body surfing in the morning; we all went out for a quick breakfast; we went to a 10AM show of Ratatouille; we joined some friends for a bit of fun pool side; we celebrated over a BBQ and cake at Sean's moms; we drove to another home to watch the fireworks. The girls were up until 9:30 - amazing since Dillen never napped all day and Roxy only had a 30 minute nap during the movie earlier that morning. Crazy-busy as it was, it actually turned out to be a fun-filled day and I think Sean enjoyed all he/we did.

Tonight, however, was rough.

We are now dealing with the concept of death with Dillen...

We were given a saltwater 55 gallon tank about a week ago and we put 3 Damsel fish in it on Tuesday after we had everything set up and filtered. Well, 2 of them died today and Dillen found the first one. She has seen a lot of death in the Disney movies and other shows but this was 'real.' Now she's obsessed. Tonight, as I was getting Roxy down to sleep, she wouldn't leave my side. She held my hand and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you" and here is how the rest of the conversation went:

Me: What is it Sweetie?
Dillen: Why did the fish have to die?
Me: Well, that's a good question. I suppose it was their time to go but maybe we should have done something different with the tank. We're not sure. Daddy is going to call the fish store in the morning.
Dillen: (after a long pause) Well, what about Wingnut and Widget (our cats). Will they die, too?
Me: Eventually. Everything dies, honey.
Dillen: Will we flush them down the toilet, too?
Me: No. They won't fit. We will probably find a happy place to bury them underground and maybe plant some pretty flowers on top of them.

A long pause...

Then Dillen starts crying - very quietly so she doesn't wake Roxy (gotta love her). I thought she was faking until I felt the tears.

Me: Dillen, why are you crying?
Dillen: I just don't want you to leave me.
Me: Do you mean right now? I'm not going anywhere, honey. I'm right here.
Dillen: Ok. I thought you might leave.
Me: No. Once Roxy is asleep, you can join me again downstairs. (At this point, I was in complete denial she was perhaps referring to my own demise.)

From that point on, all Dillen wanted to talk about was death. She even made up a story about a tiger she had as a pet that died and she had to bury in our back yard. Thank goodness this all happened LATE tonight so she eventually became too exhausted to pursue further conversation. Still, I have a feeling this isn't over. Just before she fell asleep, she asked me "What will you do with me when I die?" YIKES!!! How do you explain to a 4 year old that I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO DO THAT?!? I told her that she will hopefully live a very long life and have children so that her own children can have this conversation with her. At that point, I opened a bottle of wine, poured a glass and snuggled with her while rubbing her head and telling her the conversation can be continued tomorrow if she would like.

Perhaps spiritual awareness and religious concepts/beliefs will have to be introduced a little earlier then I had hoped.